Speaker: 00:00
YNA is a podcast that focuses on mental health and other aspects relating to what goes on inside a person's head. We are by no means professionals on this field and only aim to make these conversations about mental health easier for the listener. Nothing we say or talk about is professional advice unless explicitly mentioned. If you seek professional advice or experience symptoms of an actual mental health disorder, please contact a professional or visit your closest center for behavioral health.
Speaker 1: 00:23
You are not alone. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to You Are Not Alone. And today's topic is about manipulative friendships, aka fake friends.
Speaker: 00:36
Ooh, I love, love, love, love, love, love this topic so much. I've been so excited to talk about this. So I'm an ex I'm an extrovert. So being an extrovert, you learn to have a lot of conversations with a lot of people. And you learn to make a lot of friends when you're out. And you learn to start growing into this kind of position where you start making a lot of friends and you start building these connections with people. But the most difficult thing that I've had to learn is understanding who is a manipulative friend and who's actually looking out for your best interest. And the most difficult part of this whole topic is trying to find that boundary of who is manipulative and who's not, because manipulative people are so, so, so good at being what they are and f uh disguising themselves in this position of I'm doing I'm doing everything your other friends are doing. Why do you believe I'm manipulative? And that that's the scariest thing for people, is that like your best friend, the person that's the closest to you, could actually be a manipulative person, and you would have no idea.
Speaker 1: 01:54
Yeah, you wouldn't even know that they're there. They're almost, in a sense, a emotional hitman. Like you you have no idea that they're there, but when you finally realize it, bam, you're dead. Like they just killed all your emotions. And people like this, in a sense, target you in order to gain something from manipulating you or getting you to do something that they feel will make them feel better. But you at times like you won't even notice. So what from experience or from things that you've read, what are things that people can look for when it comes to a manipulative person?
Speaker: 02:40
The first thing is when you bring a problem to them in a situation in your life that's really difficult and bothering you, and and you just need someone to talk to about it, and you just start expressing yourself, venting to them. If that person, I mean, everybody has their own way of listening and responding to things, and being a good listener, one of the good things is to be able to understand the other person and not and not using examples from yourself, but truly taking a deep dive into your own emotions to understand what that person is going through. Yeah. Manipulative people don't care, they really don't care about what's going on in your life when it comes to those kind of weaknesses that you try to vent to them. So something to understand about manipulative people is that they will form it in a way that it's actually your fault and that it's your problem. And they'll and and they'll use different words like some like sometimes they'll say, like, oh yeah, is that how you really feel? Or is okay, yeah, I understand where you're coming from. And then they just jump into this change of topic and try to push away from it. Manipulative people feed on your weaknesses, they it's the energy that they gain from it, and that's why they're so manipulative.
Speaker 1: 04:04
I feel a lot of times too, when it comes to a manipulative person, when they're not getting what they want from your relationship or friendship, they'll make it seem like you are the crazy one, or that you're not thinking straight. And over time, they kind of set this up to happen.
Speaker: 04:28
Exactly.
Speaker 1: 04:28
It's not as if the first day that they meet you or become friends or in a relationship with you that you could tell instantly that they're manipulative. It may maybe sometimes they don't even know that they're a manipulative person, but over time they will make it seem like you are in the wrong or that you're the crazy one, especially when they're not getting what they want. So, for an example, I would say a manipulative person would be telling somebody, like, hey, you shouldn't hang out with this person because they're kind of shady or they've been talking trash about you or anything like that. When in reality they're the ones who are doing that to you, or they see you becoming friends, better friends with this one person, and the one thing that the manipulative person wants is that great friendship with you. And once they see that getting away from them, they m almost try to place the blame on somebody else, or in a way, trap somebody into thinking that the negative feelings are coming from this other person just so that they can continue to get what they want from you, if that makes sense.
Speaker: 05:49
No, that makes a lot of sense. And so I I create an example. Um, and my example is pretty basic and just imagine with me for a second. So imagine you have a hen house, and your hen house are your friends, and when a fox comes into your hen house, the fox's plan is to kill all the hens. A manipulative person will disguise themselves as a hen, welcome themselves into your life, you become you become so accustomed with them that they make themselves so comfortable with you. They find your weaknesses, absorb it, make it so that you are the crazy one, like Cheyenne said, and then find a way to destroy all the other hens in your hen house and make you realize that they are the perfect hen or they're the best friend, and everybody else was wrong, and that everybody else was hurting you, when really they were the fox disguised, and their plan from the beginning was to get what they needed, and that was either your attention, your love, your friendship, whatever that they had in plan for them to take over, is what they were gonna do no matter what. That first smile, that first conversation, manipulative people have a way that they just they just under they they make it make you seem like they they you feel so comfortable with them. Like they make it so like easy for you. It's it's crazy. Like you just fall into it. And especially if in your weak place, I think manipulative people show their faces the most when you're in a really weak situation because that's their that's like their time to prey on you.
Speaker 1: 07:35
Yeah, it's it's their it's their time to pounce on you, like the fox with the hens. This is their time when you least expect it. When you really need somebody, they'll be there. Mo more often than not, but you always have to watch out for signs and make sure that this person is actually your friend or their intentions are good and they want the best for you. Because most of the time with manipulative people, like Cena said, they're just in it for themselves and they just want to get something for themselves in return.
Speaker: 08:15
And the crazy thing is when you're in a position where you you like in if you're in a fork in a road and you don't know which direction to take, the manipulative person will take you the direction that they know and that plan to take you so that they can use that later on when it's becomes a problem. And then you get into an argument with them, and then they blame it all on you, making you seem like the crazy person, like it was all your fault, you did it, you you were the one losing your mind when really that person is just slinging you on their back and enjoying the energy that they're taking from you. You need to be careful out here. A lot of people, and I get it. Listen, not not every person is bad, and not every person is good. However, you need to be able to understand when someone's trying to take advantage of you, trying to take your attention, trying to take your love, just trying to just trying to put you in this bad situation. Don't lose yourself. Remember, key it's it's these people, this is their plan. This is their plan all along. When they first saw you and talked to you, they they had this plan all along. So be careful.
Speaker 1: 09:26
And I think for some people, it's one of the hardest things to spot somebody like this because on the surface, they're not a malicious person, not somebody who's overly mean, who you can just spot from a distance or even up close, like you're not gonna recognize their intentions because most of the time they're pretending to be nice, but when somebody's doing that to you, you can kind of see if somebody is being genuine or not, and that's one of like the biggest key factors that you would want to look for when it comes to somebody who's being manipulative. Because I'm I'm pretty sure we've all had that one friend who's who's like really hyping you up about something, and it's like, oh my god, that's it's amazing, like what you did. Like you you accomplished this or you got this. Wow, that's so cool. And you could tell that they're being genuine, versus the one friend who's kind of like, Oh yeah, how that's great, and then they move on to something that they're saying. And sometimes if you've been friends with this person for a long time, you're gonna look over that and be like, Oh, well, maybe you know, and I think that that's when a lot of times, well, they'll find themselves in the situation where they don't know that they're in in a manipulative uh friendship or relationship. But again, like honestly, if you if you start hanging out with somebody else, or somebody else gives you advice, like, hey, this person was kind of like this, or they point something out to you that you haven't seen before, or if this person was being disingenuous, then that'll kind of get you looking at the way that they react and things like that. And it'll help you target who is a manipulative person in your life.
Speaker: 11:23
Don't allow them to change the topic. When you have a problem and you come to a friend, a friend shouldn't just change the topic and try to make it about something else. Unless, I mean, unless you're depressed and you ask them, like, hey, I just want to be distracted from this. Let's do something that's distracting. If let's be honest, when you go to your parents and you tell them a problem and you actually need to talk to them about something, they'll sit down and talk to you about it. They don't, they're not gonna switch a topic on you and make it seem like you're the crazy one. No, they're gonna sit down and find the root of the problem. However, a manipulative person will find ways because when when you speak to them about problems, they when they have to use their energy to care, it takes energy away from them. And if it takes energy away from them, that's hurting them. And if it's hurting them, that's not in their best interest. So why would they want to stick around? Like what what would what is the point when their best interest is not fulfilled? And that's not a good friend, clearly.
Speaker 1: 12:22
Yeah. And I think uh a lot of the times with a manipulative person, when you ask them for advice or if you're telling them a story, though they will like nine times out of ten be that person who will go into fix it mode for you. Oh, yeah. Because they're they're almost trying to mentor you into living your life for them. Whereas a genuine person will try to relate to you and try to actually give it more advice than telling you what to do, like those people in fix it mode um who are who are trying to give you their form of advice. When when somebody is being genuine, they'll they'll be like, Yeah, I actually had something like this happen to me, and this is what I did, and I'm hoping that this could help you with it. Whereas the manipulative person will be telling you things such as, oh, well, you obviously messed up here, and when you should really should have done this. Are you you know, they're almost there a manipulative person is almost always on the attack and never on the defense when it comes to talking with you. Whereas your genuine friends will always, you know, they'll always back you and they'll always try to point out your flaws, but in like a nice way, whereas the manipulative person will just be like, Well, you messed up and you're basically a fuck up. But you wouldn't have been a fuck up if you did it the way that I said, like that's manipulation a hundred percent.
Speaker: 13:60
And regularly examine what you believe. We don't do this enough. We need to you need to remember your core beliefs, who you are, what makes you who you are. Because once you lose that, the manipulative person wins. Because once you lose your grounding, they have all control of you. And then you're never gonna know what's right and what's wrong. You're just gonna be stuck in the air, just being your energy being taken away from you from this person, and they're just gonna and you're just never gonna realize it for yourself. And when you don't realize it for yourself, you're gonna end up losing more friends in in the end than you did from ever becoming this person's friend in the beginning.
Speaker 1: 14:42
Because in the end of all that, you're just left with this shell of a person that they made, and not your true self. Like somewhere along the line, you lost who you were as a person, and not to your fault, it's from the manipulative person who led you on this path to become what they envision for you and not yourself.
Speaker: 15:12
I have a quote for you. When it comes to controlling human beings, there's no better instrument than lies. Because you see, humans live by beliefs, and beliefs can be manipulated. The power to manipulate beliefs is the only thing that counts. I'm telling you, man, these people will lie to your face. These people don't care, they never cared about you, they will never care about you. It's and I get it. If it's your only friend, too, it's hard. Because imagine it's the only person you talk to, it's the only person you ever uh maybe even have a connection with. And and I get that. But you're just letting the fox into the hen house into the hen house, and you're just gonna let them win. I would rather be by myself than be surrounded by manipulative people that act as my friends.
Speaker 1: 16:05
And with a manipulative person, they're gonna find ways to make you think that you won't get a friend as good as them. Or if you're in a relationship, you won't find somebody who loves you as much as they do. But this is just not true. You there are so many people in this world seven million to me, exactly that almost statistically, it is impossible to not find somebody who is meant to be in your life. Whether it's a great friendship or a great relationship, there's somebody out there, and even more specifically, somebody out there who will not manipulate you.
Speaker: 16:53
On top of that, manipulative people come and go, they'll come into your life one day, blame it on you, and then you'll end the friendship, they'll leave, but but they crave the energy, they crave your attention, they want to make sure. Yeah, exactly. They're a prey. You're their prey, they want to keep enjoying what they have, making it makes them feel so much better. It's crazy how it makes them feel like they're just this God. Don't allow them, don't allow them to do that because the way for you to end a manipulative friendship is for you to let them starve. And that's how you can stop a manipulative person from feeding on you anymore. You got this. You really do. Like you know it in yourself, on top of that, to be who you are. You have the beliefs that you set for yourself in the beginning. You've gone you've come this far. And to allow the fox to win, man, that's that's that's not fair to you. That's not fair at all.
Speaker 1: 17:57
And again, it may be really hard when this manipulative person is that fox in the hen house, dressed up as a hen. Like you don't know that they are who they really are, and you can't see below what's below the surface when it comes to this person. A lot of the times you're not gonna know who they are, and you're not gonna see who they really are, and just never forget that there is somebody out there who will not manipulate you, who will be that great friend or that great partner for you. And don't let this person make you who they want you to be. Always be who you want to be in life. And people can guide you through different stages of life, but you need to remain true to yourself and not true to another person's beliefs.
Speaker: 18:58
And always remember, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't forget. You are not alone. I've got you. We're gonna get through this. Right, Shine? Exactly. I catch you on the next topic, guys. All right, see ya.